Home Is Where the Heart Is

My departure is fast approaching. I leave for London in five days and am busy seeing as many friends as possible, tying up any loose ends and, uh, trying to find a place to live in London (eeek). I've spent the past five years building a life here in the city of angels and now I'm leaving it all behind.

People here tend not to live up to the name of the city. But there are indeed angels here. My personal angels are those I call my friends, colleagues, mentors and inspirations. In other words, the people who put up with me.

Anyone who knows me, knows I hate goodbyes. I get all awkward (I mean, more so than usual that is) and shut down emotionally. If I don't shut down, then I'll start crying, like full on ugly cry. No one wants to see that. I get emotional because my friendships mean everything to me; and yet, I consider myself a loner. But most would consider me a social butterfly. Which is also true. But how many times have you seen a bunch of butterflies socializing? Normally I see just one butterfly at a time fluttering about. I may flutter from place to place, but generally I flutter alone. Before this butterfly metaphor gets out of hand, I'll get to the point. Those who I've let in past the tough facade - those who get to see the gooey mess inside; the vulnerable, insecure, overly-sensitive, hurt, angry, sad side of me, and still call me friend are indeed my angels.

My friends are my family - and they've helped me make Los Angeles my home. Which is hard to do in this urban sprawl. A city where most migrate here for selfish reasons. I'm guilty of that. I came here for college and was hoping to break out into the film industry. But life happens in the most unexpected ways. I fell in love with the theatre community. YES, we have theatre in LA! No matter how spread out we are, those of us in the community are willing to help out one another and to support each others work.

I've had the pleasure of meeting so many inspiring artists who simply love to tell stories and do whatever it takes to make it happen. That's all I've ever wanted to do - tell stories that resonate; that have an impact; that inspire, challenge and encourage.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way - and that there are people in this city who are of like mind. And now I'm crossing the pond to my favorite city, London. Where I'll bring with me the determination, dedication and passion of the Los Angeles theatre community to a city enriched with theatrical history. A city where theatre draws in the masses rather than begs desperately for attention... and respect.

As I study and conduct research for my Masters in Theatre and Performance, I hope to find theatre artists of a like mind. Those who face challenges with creativity and sheer bravado. I often joke about LA theatre saying we make magic happen with duct tape, superglue and pure imagination.

I'm also going to have to find new friends. My group of what I would call my bestest friends didn't just happen over night. It took years to develop - earning trust, telling secrets, inside jokes, etc., etc. But as I always say, home is where the heart is. And my heart is somehow able to be in multiple places at once: with my friends and family, in the theatre, in the arts, places that resonate with me, and even with the lone butterfly that contently flutters around.

Although I am sad to leave my home and the people in it - I am so excited for the next chapter of my life. Sometimes I have to remind myself that the only constant in life is that everything changes. It's funny, I'm slightly resisting the change I've put on myself. After all, it was ME who decided to go to London for grad school. No one made me do it. I thought of it all on my own. And yet there is a part of me that is grasping on to the way things are, well... were.

To my friends who make me laugh, console me when I cry, and put up with my mood-swings: I love you. Don't ever forget that. And to my friends I have yet to meet: prepare yourself!